Advent Prayers every day, help with the true preparation.

Someone posted this video on Facebook today and it got me thinking; what am I doing to make sure we keep our focus on the real meaning of the season this Advent?

It is so easy to get caught up in the gifts and the cookies and the trimmings of Christmas and lose the reason for all the preparation in the hustle and bustle of all the, well, preparation.

I have three young kids who are all pretty excited about new toys and clothes and electronic gadgets. They are a little less excited about us dragging them (yes, dragging) to Mass every week, but drag them we do.

That’s the thing, when I asked myself what do I do to keep the real meaning of Christmas at the forefront, I realized I didn’t need to so much with my children as I probably do for myself. It seems that with our regular every day Catholic lives and then the added rituals of the Advent season, the kids are pretty well focused on the fact that the birth of Jesus is why we have Christmas, not Santa Clause.

We light our Advent wreath candle every night at dinner and say a short prayer, rather than opening a calendar window counting down to Presents Day. Rather than snowmen snow-globes, we have had a Fisher Price Nativity Scene in the center of our room,  since the kids were babies, and as you might imagine it has lead to much discussion over the years around Jesus’ story. We spend a good amount of our time and resources giving back to those less fortunate than we in equal proportion to what we may receive. We talk a lot about gratitude, even more than normal, which is already a lot.

So, no, my kids don’t need to shift their focus to what is important, as it is already there. It is I who needs to remind myself, almost daily, that the Advent season is one of preparedness of my soul, not my Santa stockpile. It seems I need to clarify my reason during this season. My job is not to solely be the  mom who must give all that is on the list but rather to be the daughter who must ready herself to receive.

Because, grace is coming and no amount of bargain shopping will help me be ready to have it as my best me.

That’s going to require much more than an extended Black Friday sale.

In college I took a personality test that broke people down into types of questions. Supposedly this told you what type of information you needed to feel satisfied as a problem solver. Some people were what. This group did fine with surface information, and had no need to dig deeper. As long as they had the basic facts, this group was satisfied. Another group was who, and they of course needed a source behind the problem in order to get to the business of solving it.

I fell into the group of why, which my professor explained was the hardest group to satisfy. As a why, I need explanations, logical ones, or I have a tough time proceeding. I need as many details and as much background as humanly possible before I am satisfied with the puzzle. I am the theater teacher who wants to know your motivation. My incessant need for why can lead  to very well put together arguments and also drives my husband crazy.

It would stand to reason then, that as a why I would have a hard time reconciling myself with faith. I mean, most of the time, there is no why. Why (or the inability to answer the question) is what often brings people to their knees or sends them running the opposite direction of a higher power. For me, the why is something I have decided to leave to religion-not faith. I have plenty of Why questions for my Catholic religion, and I am not sure I will ever be totally satisfied with those answers. But, I choose to forget asking for the whys when it comes to my faith. Faith, I don’t question. After all, faith is belief without proof, right? Here is the only answer I need to satisfy me when it comes to faith:  quite simply, I need my faith to live.

I need an afterlife.

Call it heaven or the underworld or whatever you believe; I just need to know that my mother and father are dancing there. I need to know my mom and Ginny are laughing together and my mom and Gege are sharing a cocktail and catching up. I NEED to know that all the turmoil and heartbreak and sacrifice my mom weathered while she was here on earth all with a smile on her face and gratitude in her heart, was worth it because now her soul knows endless joy. I need that. Perhaps that makes me weak or naive. So be it. I believe.
I need my faith to keep my ego in check.

Children are wonderful ego-checkers. Working with teens, even more so. Oh, how deliciously self-absorbed was I as a young woman?  I thought the most important things in the world were my job, my apartment, and what my husband and I would do on vacation. Then I had kids and some days I forget I am even part of life’s equation. In reality though, children can have you so wrapped up in them and their impact on your life that you actually aren’t any less self-centered than before.

My faith helps me remember that we are all here for others.

It is my job as woman of faith to teach the kids around me to look outside and figure out their place as servants of the world. Had I no faith, had I no belief that we are all part of something bigger than ourselves, I might only focus on winning soccer games and class officer elections. Or, worse, I might only focus on all the bad that has happened and will happen to me and everyone else in the world.

Without faith, I might only question why storms happen instead of figuring out how to help those who were there. I might choose to focus on the sadness and grief that comes from losing two parents to cancer, rather than finding ways to fight the disease so that other people don’t suffer the same. Some people can act this way without relying on a higher power.  Good for them. I need a holy reminder and a little grace. Without my faith, I might let my ego win.
Having faith keeps me humble.

Sometimes, in the thick of the day to day, my life may seem ultra-important and all consuming. My faith reminds me I am a citizen of this world and a servant to the next. My faith reminds me I am a small part of a large picture. Some people say they have this without believing in a higher power. More power to them. These believers say their faith is in humanity or in just being good. Call it what you will-but faith is faith. Dig a little deeper and they just might find there is a source they aren’t yet willing to acknowledge. Either way, does it benefit anyone for either of us to work to discredit the other? No.

My faith brings humility while also providing me a sense of worth that I am not sure I would have otherwise. I am able to feel confident in my efforts because I know that I was created in purity. Therefore, at my core I am good. My mistakes and my decisions and my actions, as a human, might look the opposite of good. I may cause damage. I will make mistakes. But I can forgive myself and try again to do better because of the confidence and peace my faith provides. It is not an easy journey.

I will stumble and fall and experience disappointment on life’s journey. I am not chosen any more than the next to be on it. I do not compare my life to others’ because their journey and decisions are theirs alone. Faith is a private relationship. I make no claim to know mine is the right one. But I have chosen to accept it and to accept others for their own journey, no matter how alike or different it is than mine.

I remember as a little kid Advent seemed as if it was at least 6 months long. There were torturously long days in between lighting each of those candles, and I would sit in church each week counting the days until the 25th. Those first three candles burned so slowly,  I was certain Christmas would never arrive.

As I grew up, the Advent season got busier and busier so that now it seems to pass in a blur of shopping, wrapping, baking and watching our checkbook like a hawk, hoping for some miracle to stretch our money just a bit further this month. I often sit on my couch on December 26th, staring at the rubble of the last two days, and wonder where the weeks have gone?

It is easy to forget the reason for this season. We are to ready ourselves for the coming of the Lord but not by stringing lights or hanging mistletoe. Instead, we should spend quiet time with ourselves and examine whether our hearts are ready to take in the miracle of Jesus.

That sounds nice doesn’t it? But I can bet  you’re all sighing in wonder or rolling your eyes in frustration after reading that last part. It’s easy to say Advent should be a time of quiet contemplation but it is quite another to figure out how to live it.

Like most things in life, there is magic in the action. Just do something, anything this Advent season to take back Christmas. Start each morning with a short prayer. Setting your day on the foundation of quiet conversation with God goes far toward readying your heart for Jesus. It might even make all the holiday parking lots a bit more bearable. Then, end your day with five minutes of reflection on all that was good. It is easy, especially this time of year, to fall into the vortex of chaos and stress. If you purposely decide to focus on what went well instead of what flopped, or worse, what never got done, you just might surprise yourself with how many things you have to be thankful for.

Every day, take some time to focus on the wonder of the season instead of the worry. You just might find your heart full instead of your soul depleted when you’re on the couch amidst the rubble on December 26th.

It’s that time of year again. The time when you are inundated with Christmas decorations at every turn, even though the Halloween pumpkins are still on your front porch. We all complain about it and wish it were different, but are we really doing anything to fix it in our own lives?

It is so easy to just be overwhelmed at this time of year with all the “doing”. There are meals to cook, travel arrangements to make, presents to buy. And if you’re still in school? Well, there are SATs, college applications, homecoming dances and championship games to prepare for. Let’s not forget semester exams and quarterly reports to navigate.

Somehow, in all the planning and doing, we miss the importance of that day in November when we’re supposed to just slow down and say thanks. Sure, we may stop for a moment that day and give thanks, but I would challenge that we need to do more.

Sure, the history of Thanksgiving is Pilgrims and Native Americans sharing a meal, but isn’t the sentiment of the day more important now than ever? Shouldn’t we all be paying more attention to what we are thankful for, instead of just swimming in the piles of all there is to do?

Gratitude isn’t something that just happens. Gratitude should be an active practice and not just one day a year.

When my babies were little, I pulled them from their cribs every morning singing Psalm 118, “This is the day the lord has made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it.” Quite honestly, this was not some lovely maternal moment where I was trying to bring joy into their little lives. Rather, if I’m being honest, it was an attempt to shake off my tired, bad mood. I am not a morning person anyway, so being woken by a screaming baby, no matter how cute, usually left me a bit grouchy. I sang that Psalm in an attempt to not cloud my child’s day with my own bad mood.

You know what? It worked, for all of us. Most babies stop crying when their cooky mom arrives singing a song and what mom can stay in a bad mood when met with a toothless baby grin? That was my first glimpse into the active practice of gratitude. Starting each day with the reminder to be grateful about a new day set a powerful path for us to continue to follow as my kids grew.

Now, we all make sure to take time every week to reflect on what we’re grateful for. When praying, we try to add in thanksgiving as often as we ask for help or guidance. In the month of November especially, I try to stop every day, even for just a moment and find something to be grateful for.

It’s hard sometimes, but if you think about it, sometimes even the early Christmas Carols aren’t so bad with the right attitude.